Inspired by. . . Elmo?

Yes, you read that right. The little red monster that has plagued so many of us. The same one that I’ve wished death upon. Yes, him. This little guy has become a new muse for this big guy and his girls.

The other day we stumbled across the documentary, “Becoming Elmo” and I can say without a doubt that it is completely delightful. Mock me as you will, Kevin Clash, the infamous voice behind the monster is a good man worth learning from.

So, set your cynicism aside and watch the first ten minutes on Netflix… then tell me how you enjoyed the last hour and a half.

Needless to say, watching this movie brought up some fun things with the kids. In light of yesterday’s post, here’s something that we’re doing to give to others and try out some fun ideas that could easily make people smile.

We want to do puppets too! It was so fun watching the clips of young Kevin playing with kids with special needs and so forth, just pouring out the love and creativity that God had given him. And oh man, when you see him being Elmo, his face is just so kind and sweet.

My girls were enthralled. They are so excited about the possibility of doing things like this. I can’t imagine the stories and scenarios that they’ll come up with.

So here’s how we’re starting:

One thing that the movie made clear is that if you want to do this, you can! And that really encouraged me. So, to check this out, and see if the kids will really run with this we’re going to get started budget style.

I hit the thrift stores on my lunch break and picked up 7 stuffed animals for $8.90. I also picked up the new Muppet movie that came out this morning for further inspiration. (this is education, right?)

Tonight we’re gonna hunker down and each pick a stuffed animal to disembowel and turn into glorious little puppet friends. I’ve picked out a particularly somber looking bear for myself.

If and when these projects are completed, I will post pics of our new friends.

I found countless resources for doing this in a few different ways. I personally think that this will be a lot of fun and give the kids a chance to harness some silliness.

Think about it; puppets are a great chance to channel that youthful silliness into a creative venture where it’s okay to be a wacky, zany nutbar.

Yes, if my evil theory is correct, I will harness the power of childhood silliness and unleash it through puppetry and art!!!! mwahahahahahahahahHUhaahauha

…sorry…

I really think that my little ones could do a lot to make other little ones smile (and maybe even some adults), and I’m excited to walk hand in hand with them in finding out how.

Filed under: homeschooling, kids, parenting, unschooling, homeschool, homeschooling, kids, muppets, parenting, puppets, unschooling

The Answer to Life, The Universe, and Everything

Are you in a rut? Stuck? Feeling without vision? Feeling like the day to day simply isn’t adventurous enough… I have an answer.

And yes… I’m truly that presumptuous.

Douglas Adams wrote humorous stories about beings wandering the universe, looking for the meaning of it all. They were looking for the answer. In observing my kids, and the way that they bloom the best, I believe that I’ve stumbled across one such answer.

Day to day, my three daughters love to create. They constantly have a stream of designs, cartoons, crafts and life flowing out of them. There’s nary a day that I don’t find one more piece of art declaring their love for me on my desk at home.

But seldom, very seldom do these little ladies make things just for themselves. There is always another motive. In every stroke you’ll usually find the intent of brightening the day of someone near to their little hearts.

Their life is a playground of creativity and gift giving for them to dance and play in.

Can you say that about your life?

I can’t… but I’m sure as hellfire gonna learn.

Let’s take this weekend, for example. These little girls drew, worked on marionettes, started making puppet ideas, and even did some yard work too. Almost all of it, minus the marionettes were things to give and use for the delight of others.

I, however, was exhausted most of the weekend. I had my aspirations of giving myself to learning and playing with the kids. But alas, I found myself a vegetable, struggling to be dragged along for the ride.

At the end of it all, I felt like I’d wasted it away. That is, until we prayed.

Late last night as we talked to God together, my oldest daughter, Aletheia Mercy ( truth and mercy) prayed to our wonderful creator God. “God thank you so much for all of the things we got to do for people this weekend. It was so much fun!”

Her heart was full, and she would lay down to sleep with a clear conscience and a sound heart.

They gave of themselves all weekend. They poured out the love that we pour in to them on everyone around them, in their own little ways.

So here’s the challenge; do you?

Can you?

Is what you’re doing working for ya?

___________

Last night a young fella came to me, wondering what to do. . . he was stuck, and his mother was pushing for him to look for some answers.

This guy has amazing things inside of him, but instead, he wastes the sweetness inside of him on video games and self-gratification. This particular guy is made for helping little ones. If you knew him, you’d agree.

I’ve seen who he is, but he’s 17 and squandering it. Consequently, he’s miserable. But instead of looking at the real answers, like most 17-year-olds, he looks to finding “more.”

More intense games.

More extreme energy drinks.

More adrenaline rushes.

But it will never be enough. I told him this straight up. “You can be a vampire, or you can be who you’re made to be.”

It’s not the video games. And it’s not enjoying movies and a red bull now and then. It’s living for your own gratification.

“Greater love has no man that he would lay down his life for his friends.”

We know it, but I don’t think that we know just how to live it day in and out.

It’s the small things that give us vision. It’s the teeny little projects of love that drive my little girls to be filled with vision and drive day in and day out.

They have filled their hearts with a desire to see you smile.

May we do the same.

This is the answer. This is the key. This is that kingdom that spreads like little, unremarkable shrubs throughout the whole earth, giving hope, life and vision to all around.

As you finish this, ask yourself, “Am I really happy?”

Yes… No? Well, go visit that sweet lady who’s all alone.

Take out the trash.

Set up a card game with a lonely friend.

Do something, anything, for somebody else.

 

Filed under: homeschooling, kids, life in general, parenting, unschooling, depression, homeschooling, life, loneliness, parenting, unschooling

Who are you looking at?

Have you ever had that moment when you were face to face with someone in a hard confrontation, and you could feel what they were seeing in you? As the encounter went on, you began to become what they were seeing in you.

Has this ever happened?

If your answer is no, then either stop reading because you’re going to think that the rest of what I’m saying is nonsense, or keep reading because you’re realizing this very moment what a dishonest person you are with yourself and want to move on and treat people, as well as yourself, better.

You’re still here? Ok, c’mon in to yet another one of my head trips. (rabbit trail – I don’t want this to just be about parenting… this is about the power of belief and how we view one another)

So, a few weeks ago I found myself up till midnight having what I would call a “fight” with my lovely wife. She called it a great discussion however. I was impressed with her for persevering with me, no matter what it’s called.

The topic; dear sweet Adaryn. Middle child. Explorer of boundaries, boundless in ideas and persistence.

You see, as of late, she had been what we will call “extra curious” of her boundaries with independence, passions, and really just how much Mommy and Daddy really meant what they said. It had been a seemingly constant battle, where day after day she was testing fences.

Needless to say, I was getting fried with it. I simply wanted my kid to obey and that be the end of it. But she was pulling more and more grand stunts, and I was starting to see the beginnings of what I’ve seen in so many snotty and rebellious teenage young ladies that I’ve known throughout the years.

After a while, I began to expect it. It was piled up high in my heart, and on this fateful night, my beloved Yvonne was going after it with all her heart.

Yvonne didn’t like what she was observing in me and my interactions with Addy. She said that I was heavy handed, harsh and intimidating. She (from what I remember) basically told me that I was giving Addy nowhere to go for hope.

Of course, what I heard Yvonne saying was, “John, you’re a crappy dad. You make your kids feel really crummy and stupid and you’re a big bully and a jerk! How do even get up in the morning being such a jerk? Jerk! Jerk! Jerk, Jerk!!! Dumb-head!” Yeah, that’s about the sum of it.

I was frustrated at what I saw in Addy. I didn’t want her to be a snotty, mean-girl. I was mad at being questioned as a dad. My pride was wounded, and it was very late. This wasn’t going well.

I had to look this in the eye. Yvonne wasn’t bending, and was totally calm. . . that always creeps me out.

She’s gonna laugh at that when she reads it, but if I’m intense, and she’s dead calm, I darn well better listen.

So I looked at it. Set aside the wounded pride, and look at it. I had begun to believe that Adaryn was a snotty teen. I had begun to look her in the eye and see a girl that was disconnected from her daddy’s heart, and drifting into the distance.

Sure, this sounds dramatic, but it’s real. Put yourself in this with any friend, loved one, whatever that you’re frustrated with. Are you really seeing who they are? Are you really looking at the person standing in front of you?

Or are you looking at the sum of the offenses committed against you? A pile of frustration? Your enemy? Have you lost hope?

Yvonne told me that I’d lost hope for Addy. That she would become what I see in her.

So I paused. I prayed. I pushed past all my frustration. Addy, my sweet little one. That little girl wants nothing more than to be near me and in my heart. She wants my delight more than anything. If I only look on her with disappointment, I will drive her away faster than anything.

Sure, I need to guide her, correct her and help her see when she’s crossed lines. Discipline is not a bad thing by any means. But what does she see in my eyes when I correct her? That’s the question.

If I don’t have any hope when I’m confronting her, then she won’t have any hope that she’ll ever be anything more.

Yvonne looked at me that night and knew that I was a better dad than that. Yvonne knows what kind of man I am and she wouldn’t settle for less. Yvonne did for me what I want to do for Addy; she looked me in the eye and reminded me of who I am.

This is hope.

This is exactly what God has done for us. He made us to bear his image. I know I always come back to this, but it’s just what is true. God looks at us and says, “Son, Daughter, I know who you are and I won’t let you just become another animal. Take my hand. Follow.”

And this is what I will give Addy, Chasah, Allie and all of my other kids that aren’t mine by blood. This is what I will resolve to give my friends and family.

But this takes some homework. We have to prayerfully take care of one another. You can’t just lazily expect to believe the best in the people around you, you have to learn what God actually sees in them. He’s their creator, and he knows who they’re made to be. To see others through his eyes, you have to spend time talking to him, walking with him, learning how he feels…

To preach the Gospel here for a sec, this is how, in it’s very simplest form, Christ’s rule takes over the earth. This is how the Kingdom of Heaven overlaps with this realm; we give ourselves to handing over our wills to the higher will of the Father. We let him tell us who we are… and we can look others in the eye, with hope and love, excitement and joy and say, “Friend, I know who you are. Be free! Come on!”

Correction becomes life giving.

Confrontation becomes liberation.

Being a truly hands on parent, through this mindset, becomes really, really fun.

**** just as a note, in the past month since the above encounter, I have had sooooooo much fun with my Adaryn. I love what God sees. ****

 

 

Filed under: homeschooling, kids, Life with God, parenting, prayer, unschooling, belief, Christ, God, kids, parenting, prayer, unschooling

Confessions of a Pirate – Enjoying the Small Things

I’m veering a bit from my usual blog fare for a moment of appreciation for the arts and intellectual property. This is, however, a concept that I want to teach to my kids. (pirating is not)

This morning I did something that is becoming a new and improved habit in my life, I bought a CD. Yes, I know. . . For those who know me this is coming as a shock. But this last year I’ve been progressively setting aside my pirating ways in favor of a clearer conscience.

I’ve rediscovered something that had been lost in my life for a very long time. You may think me corny for saying this, but oh well.  I wanted to share it with you.

When was the last time that you sat down and listened to a CD all the way through?

Honest, sit there and ask yourself.

Most of us would say that we don’t have the time to do this. I normally would say the same.

Do you remember the days when you’d buy a tape or a record, and couldn’t wait to plug it in to your walkman on or set the needle down and listen to it, from start to finish? It was an adventure.

I don’t know why, but when I think about this concept I often think about the old grunge and alt-rock albums I bought in middle school. The first time that I clicked my fresh copy of Pearl Jam’s “VS” album in my walkman in the big back seat of my parents car I was just drifting away. The sounds were incredible.

It was the same with R.E.M., Nirvana, The Prayer Chain and so many others. These bands, though some aren’t much to my tastes these days, worked very hard on each and every song, ordering them in a way to take you on a journey and leave you with a message, a feeling, a thought.

An well written album is like performing “inception” on the listener. Any record worth listening to from start to finish has been made to share, teach, impart or give something to the listener.

This concept has been all but lost lately. I was talking to a friend of mine the other day about a little debate she had with her 17-year-old about how she only buys single songs off of iTunes and never hears the whole records.

99 cents for a song is an easy buy for an easy fix of a catchy tune.

My kids are all under 10, and they gravitate toward this too. They like a song that is playing as they prance through the room, and they ask for it to be played over and over and over. It’s a normal tendency.

But there’s another thing, for those of us to whom the likes of the “peer-to-peer” universe has infected. When we have access to everything, nearly everything ceases to be special.

Let me repeat that. . .

When we have access to everything, nearly everything ceases to be special or precious to us.

I have gone through phases where I had so much stinkin music on my computer that I’d never know what to listen to. I could download the entire catalog of any recording artist of any time.

But the magic is lost.

When I was 16 I was so in love with the album “Siamese Dream” by Smashing Pumpkins that I couldn’t wait for the follow up collection of out-takes and b-sides to come out. I skipped school to be the first one into the record store. Then, I went straight home and listened to it beginning to end, three or four times.

There was so much anticipation with each record, but with the age of file “sharing” this has become a lost delight. Most kids really don’t look forward to new cds. You click the download button, load your iPod and add it to the play list.

This morning I downloaded “Oh How the Mighty Have Fallen” by alt-rock legends, The Choir. They’re an amazing bunch of guys who write convicting and insightful masterpieces about life in Christ.

At lunch, I enjoyed every last note and lyric. I ingested the album. I loved it. It took me somewhere, and it was somewhere that I wanted to go. I felt, by the end, close to the band and their heart. I heard them… and I came back from my lunch ready to enjoy my friends, work. . . my life.

In a recent newsletter put out by a great guy named Jeff Goins, he quoted Stephen King saying that “Art is a support system for life, not the other way around.”

I love that God has given us music. I love that these recording artists put hundreds of hours of heart and soul into these recordings. I want to experience them with them. I want to utilize art in the way that it was made to be utilized; a support for life. It breeds new perspective, encouragement and reflection, it’s great.

This is one more area where our society is simply hell-bent on disposable consumption. We’re treating art, movies, music the same way we do fast food.

We all know what happens when we eat too fast. You get indigestion. Right?

I’m beginning to believe that it’s the same with life, the universe, and everything. . .

Filed under: homeschooling, life in general, parenting, the arts, unschooling, file sharing, intellectual property, music, parenting, pirating

Who’s Fault is It?

Daddy's girl, wearing Daddy's hat

It’s 4:40 in the morning. I had gone to bed fretting about getting enough sleep only 5 hours ago. My five-year-old, Chasah, has entered the room. Reason?

Gollum!

Yup. You got it. That ficticious green fellow from the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Apparently he was plaguing my little darlings mind.

Of course, the first thing that comes to mind is, “Honey, that’s not real. Go back to bed.” And you make them tough it out. But that was bugging my conscience.

You see, it’s not her fault. She’s five, right? She’s still figuring out what is and isn’t real. When we put on a cartoon, she’s always the first to ask, “Daddy, is this a true story?” And usually it’s about unicorns or something outlandish.

I’ve heard thoughts that kids below the age of 6 can’t truly distinguish between what’s real and fake. Commercials or cartoons, whatever, they take it all as gospel truth.

This is a scary responsibility. It can become pretty huge in your brain if you actually think it through to it’s end.

I am, as dad, the front line for guarding her heart and mind. I am her shield. I am her refuge.

It’s my fault that I showed a 5-year-old a 9 hour trilogy filled with war, carnage and imaginary creatures, not hers. (By the way, she got a real kick out of Shelob the spider… but Gollum, nope. He has plagued the girl for months)

I think that sometimes we take for granted our place with little ones. We expect them to be adults too quickly, and consequently, we rob them of the very thing that will bring them into the Kingdom of God predominantly.

Belief.

When we saturate them with adult themes and thoughts, we kill that sweetness in them. Don’t be too quick to introduce big people stuff. I’ve been thinking about this with the music that I listen to as well. I enjoy some heavy hearted music, lyrics and poetry. But does my five-year-old need that? No. She needs Elmo. She needs fluffy and cuddly things.

Right now, as I type, she’s at my feet playing with dominos. She’s making many different structures, and is excited to show me each one, and then break it.

The truth about Chasah, is that she’ll follow me anywhere. She’ll take in whatever I give her. She’ll ingest whatever I put in front of her. This is because she believes me. She’s quick to believe.

I want to learn to take this responsibility to a much deeper level in my heart. This is fertile  ground for cultivating a mind that is open to God’s heart and beautiful world.

Filed under: homeschooling, kids, parenting, unschooling, homechooling, kids, Lord of the Rings, movies, parenting, unschooling

Afraid of the Light

It’s a very good practice to have a healthy assessment of ourselves. Not in some vague, “I think I’m kind of a jerk…” sort of way, but in a real, “Wow, I certainly missed it on that one” sort of way.

One thing that I severely missed it in my life on was in getting to know a man named Bob. As I’m writing, Bob died yesterday, on March 11th, 2012. He was, truthfully, one of the most amazing men that I’ve ever met.

He was a quadriplegic, and needed help with nearly all of his daily activities. He could move his hand a bit to run his wheelchair. And somehow, he also ran a business, for a while at least, selling third world crafts to get the money back to indigenous peoples.

But the most remarkable thing about Bob was the glow that was nearly always on his face. It seemed to me that he was always gazing into God’s great eyes, and he wanted you to look at them too.

This amazed me, because by all counts, Bob had every single right to complain. Many a lesser man would be taken out by his circumstances. It can’t be an easy thing to have to have people bathe and feed you like a baby, day after day. But from what I could tell, Bob used it all for the glory of God.

Bob was blessed to live in a large Christian community in Chicago where he had loving, round the clock care. The bulk of this care was handled by the single guys in the community, though many married men helped as well.

When I lived in this particular commune, I was terrified and squeamish of handling these responsibilities. I would do some meals with him, but not the grotty stuff. No way. I was a big chicken.

But I watched the other guys work with him. It changed them. Bob never wasted a minute with you. He was all about God. From what I could tell, he was always praying, always searching, and always digging into your heart to be sure that you were free.

So what does this have to do with “the light?”

Have you ever been around someone that just makes you feel like they’re looking right into the depths of your heart? Have you ever gotten close to someone for a moment, and knew that they could know things about you, that you simply didn’t want them to know?

Bob made me feel this way. It seemed like he and God were talking all the time. Bob loved light. He had nothing to hide. But I had much to hide.

The fact is, I was a phony. I didn’t want people to pry in. I had my reality and my justifications, and I didn’t want anyone messing with that. I was afraid of people messing with that.

But Bob, in all of his love, with his smile that would light up the room, would sweetly mess with your reality. He would bring light into all of the dark spots. He had no interest in condemning, only in giving life and light. He wanted you to be well.

My wife and I left that community nearly 11 years ago. We visited once about 2 years after we left, and Bob still knew our names. We visited a few months ago as well, and he still knew our names. He carried people around in that amazing heart of his, and when you carry people around that way, when you hope and pray for them, God is very faithful to let you see remarkable things.

I hope that I can even be a bit like Bob when I grow up. It’s no small feat to live life in a wheelchair, barely able to move more than your head, and still believe, hope, and trust that Christ is king, and he will reign forever.

But next time that I meet a Bob, I’m determined not to run. I want to learn to sit in the light, and let it rip apart all of my fake nonsense and let the image of God remain upon my face.

Bob, thanks for being you. . .

Filed under: about me, Christ, Life with God, death, discipleship, faith, JPUSA, learning, light

I Taught My 7-year-old how to Puke!

the whole purpose of me writing posts like this is to give you, the reader something to relate to in our struggle to be good people… I don’t think I have some secret magic. I do however have a lot of help from God and the Church. This gives me hope for my kids. I hope this encourages.

______________________________________________________

First off, let me present my little warrior.

Adaryn and Audrey discover their inner warriors

Adaryn is on the left. She’s quite the girl. Her name mean “not bound by earthly limitations.” And boy oh boy does she live that out.

This kid is boundless. She has huge things on her heart. She’s creative, loves to bake and crochet, loves to design and organize… She’s the type of kid that can and will do anything she puts her mind to. The kid’s got skills.

One other amazing skill she has: blatant, bold faced, look you in the eye as though nothing ever happened lying. It’s incredible. She’ll look at you with those doe eyes and draw you in. YOU WILL BELIEVE HER! Then you find yourself doubting every conviction that you ever had.

But shake it off! You can do this. You saw what the kid did! Call her on it.

So, the struggle that I have, and that I think many parents have is to keep their child’s conscience clear and help them see the value in telling the truth. We all know that this is a good goal. The real trick, however, is helping them to see this without causing them to retreat within themselves.

In Addy’s case, if I get too big with my fury at the lie, she’ll close up completely and I’ll have to do twice the work to recover her trust. Addy desperately wants to look good. She wants to look good for mommy and daddy, as well as her friends. She never, EVER wants to be in the wrong or be found having done the dumb thing. And sometimes, telling the truth about the nasty thing you’ve done just flat out looks really bad.

On to the story…

So yesterday I come home from work. It’s Thursday, grocery day in our household. We live with another family, a single lady and two single guys, and Thursdays are the days when the lady folk head out to hunt and bring home the freshly bagged spoils of the grocery store.

The kids stay with a sitter named Rachie, who is a delight and wonder. She’s one of the greats when it comes to enriching, attentive substitutes for the parental role.

Last night though, Rachie had to have a little sitter/dad chat with me. Apparently Adaryn had made just about every task Rachie set her to difficult throughout the entire day. She would wander, get distracted, and sometimes just flat out do the exact opposite of what Rachie told her to do.

So, I bring Addy back to my room, sit her down on the couch. Her bright eyes beaming, playing (quite convincingly) excited to be here with me and the much hassled sitter.

“Addy, how did you do today?”

“Fine!” she answers quickly. “It was a good day!”

“Are you telling me the truth?” I ask.

“Yeah, it was fine.” and she tries to casually use her arms and hands to illustrate her confidence.

“Did you listen to Rachie?”

I was like I had cracked her in the gut with a wet towel. She changed color, dropped her shoulders and blurted, “Nooooooooooooooo!”

I dismissed our kind sitter and thought for a moment. I need her to tell me the truth. It’s not that I want to grill her on every detail. I don’t want blood. I don’t even want to do the whole “Why did you do this?” line of rubbish.

tangent -

One of the silliest wastes of time that a parent can do is to ask their child why they did what they did. For the most part, your little one has no clue why they did it. They just did it.

They have no impulse control… only a whim and a carnal urge – then whammo! They did what they wanted to do. (see Bill Cosby’s routine on ‘brain damage’ or ‘I don’t know’)

So, if you find yourself asking a tiny person this ridiculous, (yes, worthy of ridicule) question, and they respond with “I don’t know.” You’d better have the sense to go, “You know what honey? I believe you. Let me help you understand what you did.” ***(see note at bottom of post)

I wanted to help her get it off of her chest, learn from it, and be able to move on.

So I prayed. I asked God for something to keep this lighthearted and not heavy handed. I asked her to take a few minutes to think about what she should actually have told me about her day, and when she was ready, to come and get me.

She did. We went in my room, plopped on the bed, and locked eyes.

“So, what is it.”

“I disobeyed and was a bad girl.” She said contritely.

This was too simple. She was just saying what she thought I wanted to hear. I didn’t want to hear that she was a bad girl. She’s not. She did some dumb and slightly mischievous stuff, but bad, no. I told her this too.

When you’re talking to wee ones, you have to keep it a bit simple. Don’t over lecture. Don’t over analyze. Don’t be a psychologist. Look for what will give them new life.

I had an idea. . .

“Addy, you are not a bad girl. You just did some bad things today. We can handle that. In order to handle that though, you have to be honest about what you did. You’ve got a talk about it, and get it out before you can move on and be happy.”

“Why?” she asked. It was apparent that she didn’t want to talk about it. But this kid, of all of my kids, needs to get it out and not worry about the fact that she messed up.

“Well, it’s like if you eat some bad food, and it makes your belly sick. What does your body want to do with the bad food in your belly?”

“Throw up?”

“Yep, you’ve got to throw it up. You gotta puke. If you don’t, you’ll only get sicker and sicker.”

This is the part that really got me, she asked, “Are there some people that never puke it up?”

“Yes there are. If you never ever puke up the sickness inside of you, the bad things we do and swallow, then eventually, after long enough, you become the sickness. This is why you have to puke it up. Once it’s puked up, and you get rid of it, you can be done with it and move on.”

I saw this clicking. But then she got that sweet, concerned expression in her brow. “Daddy, but if I puke on you, you’ll get all messy.”

My heart was melting. Good grief that was cute. “Honey, that’s what daddy’s are made for. God made us to take the puke and get rid of it so that you can have a free and happy heart.”

She liked this, and she proceeded to talk openly about the pitfalls of her little day.

What’s the fruit, the rest of the evening she was happy as could be. She was excited about her punishment of no playing the next day and only doing all of the things Rachie had told her to do the previous day… only this time with vigor. She was excited to make it right.

May we help our little ones make it right. May we direct them toward a truly clear conscience and life abundantly.

***my dear sister Allison posted this comment that I’d like for all to see. “I do have to say that **occasionally** it can be useful to ask a kid why they did something, bc sometimes their answer shows some other misunderstanding that needs to be cleared up (ex: Why do you dump your toys out every night before bed? –Because Tommy said monsters will come out of the closet and eat me so I have to block the closet door with toys!) But that’s probably the exception more often than the rule. And, you know, I’m good at having experienced the exceptions.” I thought this was a good amendment.

Filed under: about me, homeschooling, kids, parenting, discipline, lies, parenting, punishment, telling the truth, unschooling

Surrender, Parenthood, homeschooling and God the Father – part 4 – So what’s this got to do with School?

again, please read the first 3 parts of this before reading today’s.

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It amazes me how much we’ve allowed ourselves to degrade the supposedly mundane aspects of life. Fatherhood itself has been turned into bumbling and stubborn idiots who are more in the way than they are a resting place and a help.

Being a mom is great in the spotlight, as long as you retain the sexy physique and look good doing it.

Being single is a playground of indulgence.

Children and teens are treated as animals made only to consume and behave as rabbits in heat. ( I know it sounds blunt – but c’mon, watch TV for an hour or two and you’ll see little ones behaving in the most shallow and carnal ways possible, giving in to every urge they can think of )

This brings me back to my original point in post #1… everything is school. Every minute of every day we are learning. We’re feeding one of two beings at any given moment; one is meant to commune with God, the other will slowly but surely disconnect you from all reality, leaving you alone and an empty shell.

The supposed mundane, which from this point on I will call “reality” is not mundane at all.

Real work, real things, real relationships, real songs, real movies, real dish washing, and real hugs and kisses are all amazing.

Real fights are so much better than chat room contention. Real love, and not just sex, but relationships, is superior to pornography in every way. Real work, hard work that gives you callouses and back pain is so much better than virtual entertainment.

Loving things that grow. Exploring the dirt. Finding new sounds. Listening. Learning with every turn.

I want real life and I want to feed this real life to my family.

But here’s the clincher on all of this. In no way, shape or form am I saying that we should throw away our phones, iPads, TVs and close our Facebook accounts.

I’m saying that I want to live the life that is actually in front of me, here and now.

So what’s this got to do with homeschooling and unschooling? I’m so glad you asked.

It has to do with living a life of learning and growing. A life that is life-giving. Learning to engage in every situation with delight and joy. It is a life that lives in resistance to a culture of consumption. It is a life where we choose to go against the grain of devouring one another, consuming one another… a life that only teaches ourselves and our children that things, as well as people, are commodities to be taken in and spit out like machines burning fuel.

If we’re going to send our country in a better direction, if I want to send my family, and my church in a better direction, I have to change my mindset about everything. I have to resist this mindset so ingrained in me that my every motivation seems to be self-gratification.

I will write more songs. But they will be to fill the hearts of others.

I will record more music, but it will give life to my family and my church, it won’t drain.

I will do more things than I ever imagined as I explore the world with my girls, friends and family. It will help and not hinder, it will fertilize and not deplete. It will add and not detract. It will bloom and not destroy.

I believe that we can learn to plant seeds wherever we step, and I believe that we can learn to teach our children a different way. It’s not sheltering your kids to take them out of the system, wrap your heart and soul around them and let them explore the world within your arms. That’s not extreme, it’s my responsibility as a parent.

Even beyond that, the only hope that we can give this world is to give our lives as parents to our children; not in making them the center of our world, because that will only train them to be brats. But  instead, to give our lives in taking seriously the fact that we are parents, and there can be no resting from that.

Take pride in each dish you do. Take pride in each skinned knee you repair.

Delight as they dance on your feet. Encourage them to dig in and find things. Play with them. Touch them. Hold them. Be WITH them. Whatever you do, do it with them.

Don’t default to the ways of the system. Find what way your kid learns best. Find where they want to be. Maybe it is a school setting. Maybe it’s the middle of the night on the living room floor. Who knows… but take it seriously and facilitate their growth with zeal.

When we willingly and wholeheartedly choose to surrender our aspirations of independence for the sake of family… when we give our lives to lift others on our shoulders to learn, we will raise children that will undoubtedly do the same for others.

“We love because He first loved us…” this is the pattern God has set before us. Let’s pass it on to everyone around. Love first. Give first. Die first. . . it will spread like wildfire.

um… i think that’s all I have to say about that.

Filed under: Christ, homeschooling, kids, Life with God, parenting, unschooling, discipleship, God, home school, homeschooling, parenting, unchooling

Surrender, Parenthood, homeschooling and God the Father – part 3 – Overcoming Vampire Culture

If you’re just joining in on this series, please read the first two parts… it’ll make a whole lot more sense.

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I am dad… that’s where we left off.

This is who I am. I am not a rock-star. I am not an epic recording engineer. I am, plain and simple, “dad.”

…rabbit trail…

You may think that I’m over-emphasizing this, but if you’ve been raised in this American culture in this century, then I truly believe that this needs to be drilled into our heads, and walked out in our lives. We are obsessed with making something of ourselves. We are obsessed with celebrity. We’re obsessed with these stupid things that in the end are only vampiristic (is that even a word?) and life-draining from the world at large.

C.S. Lewis said once that it used to be that people were famous because they did something truly remarkable or special. Now, people are deemed remarkable or special because they’re famous.

We exalt illusion.

We crave lies, fiction, false bodies and indulgence.

And more than any of these, we are losing, if not nearly lost completely, the ability to rejoice in the mundane. The day to day has become dreaded, boring, and useless. We have become so addicted to fame, entertainment and media that we have to constantly keep a stream of it coming in to our minds and hearts.

We’ve forgotten how to live. May we look hard at Brother Lawrence.

But it goes deeper than just dad. From Genesis one till now, men and women have been created to be the image bearers of the living God. He never wanted the temple to be confined to a tent or a building, he wants us to be living walking temples. He wants us to be a living vessel where heaven and earth connect, and people can touch eternity.

This is no small task. This is something worth embracing.

My identity as John the young man, John the hot-head, John the rock-star (though that one was always only in my head) is done. It is mine to surrender to become, embrace, and take delight in being John the father. It’s a delight to become a place where the heavens and the earth meet for my little girls to dance and play in this realm where God rules.

If I am done, then He can have full reign here.

And here is where I have some serious stuff to look at. Because I have been going to God in the same compartmentalized manner that I spoke of with our learning in the previous posts. I have the habit, which I’m sure others do too, of going to God, or the scriptures, reading something… dumping. And then I go live my life.

You find some great insight in a devotional, or maybe a passage of the Bible. You go, “Yeah, that was awesome. I needed that.” Then we go put on our other hats. Maybe Dad John, or Office Manager John… but just saying this, you see how messed up this is. I’m not a whole person when I live this way.

When I was young there was a Christian focused record label called “5 Minute Walk” records. They’re hope was to encourage young people to at least take 5 minutes a day to focus on the Lord. I thought that was a pretty neat concept at the time.

But how far gone is that from the eternal intentions of the Father that I mentioned above? No, it just won’t do.

If I am made, as was Adam (whether you believe in the real or metaphorical Adam *man* of Genesis – the thought still stands) then I am made to walk, talk, learn from, and have fellowship with the God of all creation. Again, I am made to be a walking temple, always communing with the heavens, and always with my toes in the grass. A child of God, made to delight in him, be with him.

I AM SON!

I don’t want to live a half life, dumping information about God into my brain, and then running off in the vain and lifeless pursuits of the world. I want to be a true son of the King. The one King. The only King.

And this means losing my identity as all of the other things this goofy world would have me pursue. I am son. I stick close to my father. I do what he does. I love what he loves. I hate what he hates. I dance and play in the realm he creates around me. I explore and learn govern over the things he puts in front of me with the same love and tenderness that he governs over me with.

It is no pain to give up the half-life I would seek as a mere man, to gain the whole and undying life as a child of the king. He came and lived to lead me, as a good shepherd, and then died and rose again to lead me into even further life. He gave to the point of death, and life abounded because of it.

And then I get to do the same for my children.

I give my life, and they gain the world.

I give my identity, and they find theirs in my huge heart that God will only expand.

That’s the trick. . . if you live as the vampires live, nothing but death and selfishness abounds. If you give life, that life-blood, that sacrifice spreads just like those tine mustard seeds that Christ talked about so often.

This is the hope of the whole world

- more to come -

Filed under: about me, Christ, homeschooling, Life with God, parenting, unschooling, discipleship, faith, home school, homeschooling, sacrifice, unschooling, vampire culture

Surrender, Parenthood, homeschooling and God the Father – part 2 – surrender and acceptance

Compartmentalized

This fairly well sums up our society, even more my generation.

For the life of my oldest child, I’ve been trying to live a compartmentalized life. I’ve been trying to balance being a good dad with writing music, recording and engineering, playing outside, being romantic with my wife, watching a guy movie, watching a kiddie movie, being a rock-star in my head, poetry, the Church that I’m a part of…

You may wonder, “Why can’t those things go together?” You’re right. It’s a good question. Many of these can go together. But not all of them.

If I am honest with myself, (and I am certainly striving to be) I will admit that many of the aspirations of young John Robert Cullimore have been hanging around this fully grown, bearded, father of three and a half little girls Papa John.

Now and then me and rock-n-roll John like to visit with one another. He’s 19, and he loves making music. He’d love to spend hours and hours late into the night being creative and neglecting all other forms of life.

There’s also recording engineer John. He’s a fun guy to chit-chat with. He loves to drift off fantasizing about Steve Albini, Gene Eugene and Steve Hindalong. He imagines that one day he’ll make a recording opus that will cause men, women and children to press play on their audio device, and be so enraptured with the sounds that they cannot help but halt their day and listen to the album from start to finish.

Thus far, these fellows have a very hard time with being a father at the same time as being who they are. They’re hindered by the incessant questions of five-year-olds, and they’d like for those around them to appreciate what they’re doing for what it truly is.

When I hang out with these two very often, usually I get that sick feeling in my stomach. You know the feeling. . . that sense that you’re not where you’re meant to be. You want it, sure, but it’s like a vampire on your soul. It only takes away from life. It never satisfies. It never gives new life.

Again, this doesn’t simply apply to parents, it’s all of us as we grow up. The fact of the matter is that life changes. We change. Lament for a moment then move on.

I found myself looking some of these ghosts in the eye over the weekend. That sense of unease was all about me. I was torn with what to do with myself. I had taken my family away for a weekend of peace and quiet. I had aspirations of writing new music and having creativity flow out from me… oh, and to be a good dad and do super cool stuff with the kids.

Can you guess which one happened?

Well, it wasn’t the creativity. I was an awesome dad if I do say so myself. I hiked, read, climbed, played, swam, threw and ate ice cream with the best of them. It was awesome.

Once, just once, I sat down to write. I felt so empty inside. It’s not that I’m not supposed to write, it’s that I wanted the kids to go away. I wanted to be done with that, so I could be this other thing. I made some neat beats and sounds, and I listened, dissatisfied.

The girls loved it, but I felt so empty about it.

I turned off the computer and played hard.

Again, I’m not saying that I’m not supposed to write. I’m saying that the heart behind it is what’s killing me. My intentions have been to separate things. To take off one hat and wear another.

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There’s a lot of freedom in giving up and starting over. I truly believe this. In acceptance lyeth peace. Right?

So I had stopped myself. For those few hours I would have stopped everything if I felt God wanted me to. I knew that wasn’t the case, but I had to figure out what it was God was saying to me.

I let it go. We had an amazing night, and the next morning we got up to start on another day of adventure. . .

Sitting in the lobby of the hotel having breakfast, I was casually watching the Today show. I know, that’s a bit outside of my box. But none the less, I was enjoying myself. All of the sudden there was an interview with the girl who played Blossom back in the day, Mayim BIalik. She talked about attachment parenting, unschooling, and the general idea of what it is to be a parent in our day and age.

Now, she has some pretty extreme views on some things, but she’s on to something, and she stands firm in what she’s saying. More importantly, she lives what she’s saying. She lives it with conviction.

One thing in particular really caught me. (and keep in mind that I’m totally paraphrasing here)  She was speaking about how our society often looks at the ways she’s doing things as weird; the long term nursing, attachment parenting in general, and unschooling as a whole. But the truth of the matter is, our society has learned to hold on to this idea of individual identities and lives that only serve to separate us from one another.

She took this further when she said that a parent needs to look at life, surrender their identity as an individual, and accept their identity as parent. When you choose to make this life, you are choosing to commit to them for the duration.

This is now your occupation.

We’ve truly downplayed the nobility of this. But I get to say three amazing words that define me. This is who I am.

I am dad!

(more to come)

Filed under: about me, homeschooling, Life with God, parenting, unschooling, home school, homeschooling, learning, Mayim Bialik, parenting, teaching, unschooling